Overanalyzing Pop Songs #2:

Song: Bad Romance
Artist: Lady Gaga

This strange, cryptic song which seems like a multitude of unconnected ideas is actually a cohesive statement. Let me elaborate:

Rah, rah: An Indie Rock Band from Saskatchewan, Canada.

Ah, ah, ah: The laugh belonging to Count Von Count, a well known Transylvanian.

Roma, Ra Mama: Roma, obviously Italy, Ra Mama is a reference to the mother of the famous

Egyptian god, Ra.

Gaga, ooh la la: When French people go gaga for something, they often say ooh la la.

Want your bad romance: This part is irrelevant.

Now, let us think. What do Canada, Romania, Italy, Egypt, and France have in common?
They all have A's in them....  

Except for Egypt.

This is infallible proof that the world will end in 2012.

Album Review: Come of Age by The Vaccines

Come of Age by the Vaccines:
The second album from the Vaccines is just as exciting as the first, which is great. The songs are bouncy and full of life, and the lyrics convey that same old lovable apathy as their debut "What did you expect from the Vaccines?" The songs are all interesting and invoke a multitude of artists from The Smiths to The Libertines to The Arctic Monkeys. One highlight is "Teenage Icon", which effectively sums up not only the theme of the album but the sound of the Vaccines overall. In a nutshell, this album is very enjoyable and happy and a must buy if you're a fan of the Vaccines. And if you haven't heard the Vaccines yet, I strongly suggest listening to them. And if you dislike the Vaccines, I don't know why you're reading their album review.
4/5

Album Review: ¡Uno! by Green Day

¡Uno! by Green Day:
It's finally here! After three long years of waiting, Green Day fans get three whole new albums, fittingly  title Uno, Dos, and Tre. The first of these came out very recently and I thought it deserved a review. It starts off with a Dookie-resembling "Nuclear Family" that's pretty exciting and progresses very quickly from there. Most of the songs fit into two categories. The first: angry, fast, punk songs which attack an unknown antagonist with lots of cussing and general hatred. The second: cute little love songs. The album itself mainly sounds like a mix between Cheap Trick's power pop and The Offspring's pop punk. While the highlighted single of the album is probably going to be "Kill the DJ", a profanity-ridden parody of the rave partier's lifestyle that makes Gordon Ramsey look like Mr. Roger's Neighborhood, my personal favorite is the popier love song "Stay the Night." Either way, you have to say that this is an incredibly catchy and well made album. My only minor complaint is that the lyrical content is a little less interesting than it has been in the past, but this might just be their "White Album" after the very complex "Sgt. Pepper" that was American Idiot and 21st Century Breakdown.

4.5/5

Rules of Musical Elitism #1

These will be a series of rules telling you the proper etiquette, language, and general rules of conversation for anyone hoping to be a future music snob:

#1: If there is an obscurely specific genre to refer to a group of musicians, use it. No matter what the circumstances or relevance.

Ex. Them: 

"Hey, I love indie bands like Panda Bear and Neon Indian!" 

You: "*scoff disdainfully* I believe the genre name you meant to say was chillwave."

Overanalyzing Pop Songs #1: Call Me Maybe

Song: Call Me Maybe
Artist: Carly Rae Jepson
Did any of you know the hidden messaging referencing the Cuban Missile Crisis? I bet you didn't.
Let me guide you through the lyrics.

Hey, I just met you: A reference to Khrushchev's letter to Kennedy, on trying to reach a mutual agreement.
And this is crazy: Talking about the severity of the crisis, and how it could potentially cause nuclear war.
but here's my number: "Number" meaning the deal Krushchev offers, that they wouldn't give Cuba the weapons, and we wouldn't invade Cuba.
so call me maybe: Asking Kennedy to please try and reach a deal, also asking for more private meetings, which eventually solved the conflict.

One Direction

http://www.spinsouthwest.com/wp-content/files//2012/03/oned-beatles-460x269.jpg
Honestly, c'mon guys.
Doesn't it seem a teensy bit POMPOUS to literally take the exact same picture that the Beatles took?
Seriously, none of their publicists thought it a little premature to take this photo? Especially considering the fact that these guys only have about 5 years, tops, before they lose their fame?
My god, it just makes me so angry to see them there. I feel like in the last Harry Potter when he's all like "How dare you stand where he stood." Wow, I have nothing more that is funny to say about this. Just that Simon Cowell is a megalomaniac to the max. And this is coming from the guy who calls his website "The Best Funny Music Blog Ever."

New Music Vocab #1

I thought it might be fun to try my hand at coining new words,
perhaps by gently shoving them into popular culture,
perhaps by aggressively forcing them into your current vernacular, ensuring that you use them when talking to your friends. Either way, I'd like to try some out, see how it goes.

Victory Lap (Vic-tor-EE Lap) n.
A. A word used to describe a song that builds off of previous success,
often by using the same formula.
The Plain White T's "Rhythm of Love" was a total Victory Lap of "1, 2, 3, 4"


Metalomaniac (Me-tal-o-main-ee-ak) n.
A. A neurotic metalhead who thinks he looks cool even though his songs sound like crap, often be seen in self-indulgent YouTube videos, often with fan to blow hair back and link to his album on Spotify. He thinks he's a music prodigy, especially when he shows you his own invented scales like the "Sesquipaloadacrapolian" mode.
Anyone who listens to the band "Dragonforce" is automatically a Metalomaniac.


Ozzy (Ah-zee) v.
A. To stay afloat despite having numerous setbacks, often shattering everyone's low expectations by continuing to stay alive even though you obviously shouldn't be (unless divine intervention is involved).
I totally Ozzied on that last test. I have no idea how I got an A, I didn't study at all.
B. To bite the head of a bat off.
I totally Ozzied in that bat cage. Yum!

Cheat Sheet #3: Stevie Ray Vaughan

Band: Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble
Main Members: Stevie Ray Vaughan, Chris Layton, Tommy Shannon
Top Tracks: Crossfire, Couldn't Stand the Weather, Cold Shot, Pride and Joy, Texas Flood
How To Talk to a Fan: Make sure to mention how tragic it was how he died in a helicopter crash, Mention him as one of your favorite guitarists, how you love his guitar, and how he was ranked 7th on Rolling Stone's 100 Greatest Guitarists of All Time. MAKE SURE TO ACT INCREDIBLY ANGRY HOW HE ISN'T IN THE ROCK AND ROLL HALL OF FAME YET! Remember, nothing unites fans like being annoyed at how underrated their favorite artist is.
Further Sources:
Wikipedia- Stevie Ray Vaughan
Stevie's Website

And now... yet another segment

I call it "Overanalyzing Pop Songs."
It will attempt to bring the incredibly complicated and thoughtful ideas expressed in present pop music. It will share with you every Tolstoy reference, every hint of symbolism, and even the hardest to decode allusions to modern events and politics.
PSHAW! OF COURSE NOT! I'M JUST GOING TO MAKE SNIDE REMARKS AND ACT ALL ANNOYING AND POMPOUS LIKE I CAN DO BETTER! So if you want to read about that, feel free to tune in, and I can guarantee it will be more fun for me than you.

Misheard Lyrics #2: Chasing Pavements

Link to Song: Adele- Chasing Pavements

What I Hear: "Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing penguins."

What it Actually is: "Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements."

In all honesty, chasing penguins makes about as much sense as chasing pavements. I mean seriously, maybe she's using the penguins metaphor as a way to demonstrate how cold the love she feels is. Or maybe how there's always something fishy in her relationships (ba-dum-TSHH).

Awesome website!

Incredibox!
So cool! Takes a while to load however. No matter what sounds you choose it's awesome. Also the bonus video is cool.
Less impressive is this website:
instantdanceparty.com
Yet it could be helpful if you're the kind of person who wants their dance party to be one incredibly repetitive song playing on a loop. For some reason it's even on the Watchmen logo, which doesn't especially make sense, at all... whatsoever.

Really Bad Lyrics #7

Song: Bike
Artist: Pink Floyd
Lyrics: "I know a mouse and he hasn't got a house, I don't know why, I call him Gerald."
Mmmmmmmmmmmm... Yes... Do go on? I think really the best way to demonstrate how bizarre these lyrics are is to search for a much deeper meaning in them, which I will now try. **Ahem** I know a mouse and he hasn't got a house: This is obviously Syd Barrett's very own representation of his spiritual meaning. It's small like a mouse, yet it hasn't got a house, a reference to his free spirit and outgoing nature. Also, this could be a reference to Syd's own infatuation with cheese. I don't know why, I call him Gerald: Self explanatory. I mean, doesn't everyone get the extreme significance of "Gerald?" Everyone knows it was his mother's name.
Link to song: Bike- Pink Floyd
Link to lyrics: Pink Floyd- Bike Lyrics
(Check out the rest of the lyrics, they're almost equally bizarre.)

Hi again!

Hello everyone!

I'm back! Did you miss me? I bet you did!

I went on extended hiatus from writing because I had to go fend off some polar bears from my igloo mansion and only recently returned. In short, sorry I wasn't here, writing. However, I don't want to be one of "those" bloggers who writes only posts about how they're sorry that they don't write more posts. So instead, I think I'll just write. It's nice to be back, but I will say you've never lived 'till you've lived in an igloo mansion.

A Helpful Website

Unhear it!

If you ever happen to have a song stuck in your head, which I do all the time. Simply go to this website and they'll play an even MORE annoying song. Genius. This would have been so helpful in the "Put a Ring on it" days.

Caveat Emptor: Because these songs are so incredibly catchy you may or may not end up in a more dire situation than before.

A Poem

One day, when lack of inspiration hit,
A poem I tried, perhaps one with some wit.
I started, very slowly, with no idea,
Where it would end up, blah blah tortilla.
My rhymes started to degrade in quality,
I may have added some for sheer frivolity.
So I decide this poem has had too long a life,
And realize now I need to put it out of its strife.
So with one final heroic couplet I end,
With a poem that's very spark has been expend

ed


Thank you, thank you, you're far too kind.

My Wikipedia Page

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Best_Funny_Music_Blog_Ever
I feel so professional.

Written a little bit later:
AHHHH! Wikipedia put a "speedy deletion tag" on by blog's page!
Please! Go to my page and get as many people to edit it as possible, make sure to include reasons about why it needs a page! PLEEEEASE! However, actually, it would probably be for the greater good of the public to just take the page down. Well.... this has been an exciting adventure. ehhh... I don't really care, I don't really deserve a Wikipedia page. <------- Quite possibly the most spazzy writing I have ever done.

Misheard Lyrics #1: A list of various things I heard whilst listening to Bob Dylan's "Subterranean Homesick Blues"

(Note: I show what I heard, and then what I found it actually was by looking at the lyrics.)
Link to the song: Bob Dylan- Subterranean Homesick Blues
See if you can hear what I heard too!

1. What I heard: Badger, laatoff, says he's got a fat loff (???)                                                        Actual Lyrics: Badge out, laid off, Says he’s got a bad cough
   
2. What I heard: Ham with the cool pen cap gonna pick ten.                                                         Actual Lyrics: The man in the coon-skin cap by the big pen.
3. What I heard: Talkindaddahepu applience in the bed bug.                                                          Actual Lyrics: Talkin’ that the heat put, Plants in the bed but...
   
4. What I heard: Get jam, junk mail, Johnnyommy (it's a name) if a meal.                                                      Actual Lyrics: Get jailed, jump bail, join the army, if you fail
5. (My personal favorite):                                                                                                                  What I heard: Baloozas cheetos, sicimoozers                                                                              Actual Lyrics: But users, cheaters, Six-time losers                                                                      

And unfortunately that is all the time I have today. Thanks for viewing!                                                                        

INTRODUCING... A BRAND NEW SEGMENT!

Hello interwebs!
Today I am proud to present a brand new segment of my blog invented by the geniuses over at the Best Funny Music Blog Ever Research Outpost, also known as BFMBER (BUFFF-ma-BURRRR). It will be called "Misheard Lyrics" and it is essentially me, mishearing lyrics and then writing them down. I know, it's exciting, please stay in your seats. However, that is all I have to tell you. An experienced blogger would actually write a "Misheard Lyrics" post within this post, but I am too lazy. But just to let you know, there will be a "Misheard Lyrics" post coming soon to a computer near you!
Thank you for your time.

An Awesome Picture

Whale Glass Testing Services

Random Fun Fact #3

The only guy in ZZ Top who doesn’t have a beard is Frank Beard.

A Very Important Post

This post has possibly no other use then simply pointing out that if you enjoy my blog, I would extremely suggest that you follow it. Nay, I would demand it of you. In fact, if you follow right now you will receive an extra special prize (pride)! SO ACT NOW! Pleaaaase? It's just a simple little button to click in the right sidebar. Just a little click. Know that you're making me happy. Heck, I can't even believe you are still reading this pointless post. Just click the stupid little button and move on to your better things to do (LOLCats). Fine, I am required to do the unthinkable. End this post. I'M GONNA DO IT. If you don't move your mouse RIGHT NOW I will be forced to...

Really Bad Lyrics #6

Song: Paradise
Artist: Coldplay
Lyrics: Para-Para-Paradise, Para-Para-Paradise, Para-Para-Paradise, whooaaaaoohhhh (x20,000,000)
Don't get me wrong, I normally (occasionally) enjoy (tolerate) Coldplay. And this song is pretty good (meh). But would it really have killed Chris Martin to possibly include more than one word in the chorus? And seriously, is stuttering in style again? It might be just me but I thought that went out with Psycho Killer and My Sharona. And also what is up with their live performances with the rainbow splatters. It looked like a Nyan Cat Massacre!
Link to Song: Coldplay- Paradise
Link to Lyrics: Coldplay Lyrics- Paradise

Very Sorry

Hello Everyone,
I would just like to announce that I am very sorry about how I have not been posting over the past couple weeks. I know it must have been a hard time for you, as my drought of posts most likely caused panic in most of your households. So, now that that is done, I have absolutely no clue where to go with this post. Let's see. I know! I'm going to post random links to things!
Polish Cuisine: Wikipedia
A U.S. Flag Sewing Patch on Amazon
The Entire Bible Book of Deuteronomy translated into LOLCat
Absolutely Nothing
The Greatest Picture of All Time
and finally, a link to this blog
LINKCEPTION

Lana Del Ray

Now I know she's been super popular lately. This has been mostly due to the huge success of her single "Video Games." Now I've listened to it a couple of times, and I've tried to figure out what my exact opinion on it is. After a lot of self examination and deep meditation, as well as outside consulting services from my advisors, I have come to a conclusion. I have tried to phrase this in a way that is both concise and precise, as well as being delicate. But enough beating around the bush. Essentially, my opinion boils down to this. I know the suspense is killing you, but you must hold on, for what I am about to tell you may prove that everything you know is a lie and also may contain information to decide the fate of the world. In a nutshell, my entire philosophy about the song is,      



blecchhh...


P.S. What the heck is this random black space? I didn't make it. If you don't see it, scroll down.
2.27.12 Actually, now I realize for some reason in only appears after the first post.

Oh well...

I was goofing around on Google Trends (a google application to show how often people have searched various things) when I got an idea. What if I looked up different band's popularities in relation to Justin Bieber? I know, its one of my greatest ideas yet. First I tried the Arctic Monkeys. To my surprise, Justin Bieber ranked only a tiny bit higher than them overall. I then tried the Black Keys, The Strokes,  LCD Soundsystem, all of them. They all were only just barely losing to Justin Bieber. I was about to email my joy to everyone when suddenly, disaster struck. I realized I had spelled his name Beiber (an offense punishable by death from true beliebers). Oh, the woe. Oh, the misery. I now know that all of my favorite bands are in fact, all less popular than Justin Bieber spelled wrong. I was disheartened, regardless of the fact of how much hipster cred this gives me. Just for the sake of it, I looked up all of the band's names agains Justin Bieber spelled the right way, and my bands were crushed. Sigh...

And now for a brief philosophical moment...

Pork Buns: What kind of cruel god would make them unhealthy?
And to make matters worse, manage to make many healthy things taste much worse than pork buns. Now to clarify, I'm not a picky eater, I will eat vegetables and enjoy many of them. I just would care to do some bargaining with god. Now at first this may sound magniloquent (though not quite as magniloquent as using the word magniloquent), but would it really be that bad if doughnuts, were a health food, in exchange for wheat grass becoming incredibly unhealthy? I'm jus' sayin'...

Hey Man, We're Cool: The Top Ten Bands Trying to Fit Into a Style

1. Nickelback (Wannabe Rock): Obviously!
2. Simple Plan (Wannabe Punk): Ehh... kind of a wannabe Blink 182
3. Fall Out Boy (Wannabe Just Cool in any sort of way): Ewww...
4. Panic at the Disco (Wannabe Dance): Really really bad...
5. Jonas Brothers (Wannabe Rock): Disgraceful...
6. Avril Lavigne (Wannabe Alanis Morissette): Why so angry?
7. Plain White Tees (Wannabe Jason Mraz): Anyone else notice that "1,2,3,4" and "Rhythm of Love" are essentially the same song?
8. Good Charlotte (Wannabe Metal): Yechhhh
9. Kid Rock (Wannabe Rock): You know you're desperate when you change your last name.
10. Bullet for my Valentine (Wannabe Death Metal): Now I don't even remotely like death metal, and yet I can still spot some people who reallllllly wants to be recognized for it.

Really Bad Lyrics #5

Song: Come Sail Away
Artist: Styx
Lyrics: "I thought that they were angels, but much to my surprise, we climbed aboard their starship, and headed for the skies!"
God, I hate it when that happens! All the time I see these sailor angels, but they always turn out to be stupid aliens wearing disguises! ARRRGH! Oh, and what's so special about these Styx guys anyway. They never invited ME onto their starship! And from the looks of it, they mainly just make circles in corn and generally freak people from the southwest out. Either, way I gotta give it to these aliens. I mean, who mistakes an alien for an angel? Their disguises must be really good.
Link to Song: Styx- Come Sail Away
Link to Lyrics: Come Sail Away- Lyrics

And now a new installment of... Stuff

This time we're looking at... really weird maternity wear!

Shouldn't a mother feel happy that their having a baby? 
Not that they're imprisoning a contorted human child
in their stomach? Look, his little eyes are almost begging 
for help!

Ever seen a pregnant lady and wondered exactly how many 
weeks she is pregnant? I know I do all the time. This shirt
satisfies that urge in all of us. Now I have tons of handy 
new conversation starters with pregnant ladies also. Such
as, "I see your baby is in its 11th week!", "I see your baby
has 29 more weeks to go!", "I see your baby is older than 
10 weeks", "I see your baby is younger than 12 weeks", and
most importantly, "Hey, I can count to forty too!"

Its a merman! They should really change how they break the news to other people from "We're expecting" to "We're expecting a baby, but I dunno, it could be anything."


And with that, we conclude our post on odd maternity wear.